No dessert for a month. Most of us have been punished for something when we were kids. In western societies, punishment for children is not only acceptable, but expected; the very concept of a childhood without it can evoke ideas of children being coddled, letting them get away with things, or even parental negligence.
But does punishment work? At age 10, I remember sneaking cookies at night after my parents had shut off their light instead of during the day, when I got caught. And in eighth grade, after being caught putting on makeup at the bus stop, I bought some at the drugstore near my school, kept it in my locker, and put it on in the morning in the school bathroom instead. It seems that this reaction is universal among children. An article by Michael Karson, Ph.
Humans are the same in this way: studies show consistently that children who are punished only stop the behavior when parents are around and they get progressively more skillful at not getting caught. If parents use physical punishment, the results are even worse. So if punishment is ineffective and even harmful, why do parents punish their kids?
Neither reason ultimately serves the supposed purpose of punishment: to help children learn. To help us gain a deeper understanding of punishment and what to do instead, I spoke with child psychologist Tamara Soles from The Secure Child in Montreal.
TS: The need that some parents have to control their children is what fuels a lot of misbehavior in children. Children show challenging behaviors for a lot of reasons: to get attention, to test limits and boundaries, to assert their autonomy, and because they are incapable of regulating their emotions and behavior.
Often the more rigid and controlling a parent is, the less flexible a child becomes. Power struggles ensue and nothing good ever comes from a power struggle. TS: Interventions such as time-out can harm the parent-child relationship. Time-out often leaves parents and children engaging in a power struggle that all too often further escalates the situation and can leave a child feeling shamed or bad.
TS: Actually, discipline at its core is about teaching. They have found that children raised in strict, or authoritarian households are more likely to lack self-discipline when compared to children with empathetic or authoritative parents. The reason is that punitive discipline fails to adequately teach the child. The child learns there is a part of me that is undesirable or is bad. Furthermore, children learn that power wins over reasoning.
Because authoritarian parenting centres on obedience instead of discussion, children become less likely to understand emotion and reasoning. They also become more prone to anxiety, rebellion, and depression 5. There are effective ways to discipline without using authoritarian forms of punishment.
Consider this modern-day example. Recently, my husband and I stayed at a hotel for our anniversary. We had been in and out of the lobby several times when a manager raced after us. The fleet of staff and some patrons in the restaurant were now watching us. To promote better behaviour in children, family rules should be clear. Whenever possible, let children know how to behave outside of the heat of the moment.
This could be telling a toddler she needs to use a quiet voice before entering a library or telling a tween he needs to finish his home reading before heading out to play street hockey. The truth is though, the solution to poor listening is often simple. Then, try phrases like:. Instead, stand firm and wait for cooperation. Thanks to free-will there will be times where children do not listen. Research shows that logical consequences are a highly effective form of discipline and more effective than mild punishments.
For instance, a mild punishment would be grounding a child who broke the TV while a logical one would be that child helping to pay to fix the TV. Logical consequences are ones related, respectful and reasonable. Though the days where children are slammed against walls are largely behind us, there remains a prevalent belief that spanking and other punishments are effective long-term.
Research resoundingly shows that this is not the case and that firm, respectful parenting is far more effectual. The best and worst consequences for moral development. How to discipline a child: Why science says this is the best approach. What is positive parenting and why does it matter?
Front-loading, redirection and connection: 3 strategies for parenting your strong-willed toddler. Dropping negative language improves child behaviour.
No matter what form of discipline you choose or even if you end up defaulting to punishment, the key to effective parenting is connecting with your child. When disciplining, connection is paramount. They must feel understood in order to understand. Without this piece, the opportunity to learn from their mistakes is lost.
The pain of punishment often leads to a display of aggression against either the source of the pain or, in some. While reward works best when given on an intermittent basis, punishment works best when a continuous basis. The degree of vigilance required to constantly monitor behavior so that every occurrence of the undesired. The undesired behavior is, therefore, intermittently reinforced when it. Punishment: Consequences that Weaken Responses. Side effects of Punishment.
Even though punishment weakens responses, it can have. Page 3. Corporal Punishment in Schools. The use of corporal punishment has been declining in U. Waning public acceptance, increased litigation. More than half. In states where it is allowed, many school boards voluntarily prohibit it. Yet, almost a half. Corporal punishment is any intervention which is designed to or likely to cause physical. In the United States, the most typical form of school corporal.
Alternatives to Corporal Punishment. Alternatives for changing student behavior:. Help students achieve academic success through identification of academic and behavioral deficiencies and. Use behavioral contracting Encourage positive reinforcement of appropriate behavior.
Use individual and group counseling. Provide social skills training. Alternatives for changing the school and classroom environment:.
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